They think it's all over ... Oh it is.

Was that it?

19 years on the teaching staff and an over 30 year association, including working as a TA and teacher for four different heads, acting and serving as a school governor and goodness knows how many assemblies and story sessions and it has just come to an end.  Very very quietly ...

Oh I got an e mail thanking me, it was supposed to be a letter but that got lost in the system somewhere, was barely two paragraphs maybe 10 lines at the most once you'd taken out the opening and closing sentences.

Where to re cap from?

Well after being, what's the word? Kicked out of Early Years and into KS2, Year 4 to be precise - I was basically told I was a bit crap at every opportunity by the Senior Management team and I had enough and went off sick.  Lot's of therapy and increasing amounts of medication - I attempted to make a return to work - only there was really no job!  I was given a title Pupil Premium lead and a group of children, pupil premium children and was supposed to work with them but not all of them, some had already been written off and there was no point spending time with them.  And I was allowed to teach one afternoon a week in Y6 and Y2 alternately.  Anyway after a term which with my phased return to work and various other things meant I had taught 3 Y6 afternoons and 2 Y2 afternoons about the equivalent of less than a week of teaching time I was observed two weeks in a row and basically slated for both lessons.  The easiest thing was to go mad and go off.  Long story short I was not getting any better so I wrote a resignation letter, gave my terms notice and went on my weary way feeling unloved, unappreciated and unwanted.

So that was it.  I checked on newsletters from the school no mention of my leaving, I have checked the jobs websites for the job of a pupil premium lead at St Andrew's - no sign!  Funny that! But I suspected it wasn't a 'real' job in the first place.  This week I have seen in two different places adverts for an Early Years teacher and a KS1 teacher.  Depends where you look. Is this two jobs or one job?  Put out feelers on Facebook but no one is coming back to me yet.  Maybe they don't know!  I was at the doctors surgery next to the school and met a couple of year six children and stopped to have a chat over the wall and my impression is that they don't know that I have gone,  Now I'm not sure what it's like where you work but when people leave don't you at least get a card ...?

So I have left St Andrew's - I have spent most my adult (Ha!) life involved with that place and basically nothing!  If I wasn't highly medicated I'd find it a little bit hurtful.

I'm not expecting anything.

I have asked for explanations as to why I had to leave Early Years (when I was so happy there!) but have never been given one, not one that makes sense anyway.  Professional development was mentioned, but I'm 55 years old with dodgy knees I only had about 5 years left in me anyway with the little ones so I'm not sure how much professional development I needed it's not like I was looking to become a head or anything, I'm not nearly spiteful enough or full of my own sense of self importance.  The sad thing is that when you are not given a satisfactory narrative you find your own.  And that narrative becomes 'true' for you however far from the facts it may be and it colours all your remembrances of encounters that you may have had.  My narrative is shrouded in conspiracy and paranoia - none of which may be true but all of which feels true to me.

So was that it?